M. Drohomirecka
I couldn’t sleep last night, I was too nervous. Excited? No, that’s not it. Or is it? To be honest, I even started to have second thoughts at one point. God forbid; I didn’t just say that. I’ve known what I have to do from the very beginning. Forget that. I’m fearless. I feel like a man is supposed to feel when he’s truly in love.
The sun is rising slowly. Its rays began to bounce on the walls of my room. On the one hand, I have to keep it together. On the other hand, I can’t wait for the day to begin.
I’ve decided to act normal. Can’t allow myself to lose my cool. I mean, only one person could know how I feel, and I think He wouldn’t like to see me boasting about it. If He wanted to tell somebody, I’m more than sure He’d do the right thing, like He always does. I hope my family will get to know.
I fasted. Normally, after the morning prayer, I’d have a slice of bread, some oatmeal occasionally. Still, today is the day I celebrate. The stress won’t let me eat anyway.
It’s time I set out. I picked the freshly washed white robe, which I covered with my linen coat. I tried my best to button it up, but my shaking hands didn’t allow me. Luckily, my mother helped me. May God bless her. Well, I hope she is about to be blessed.
Enough, it’s time to leave. Sorry for all the babbling. I tend to talk when I’m nervous.
Even though we live near the City Hall metro station, I’m going to take a longer way since it’s my last time. I know, I know. Sometimes I just get sentimental.
Once I arrive I pick the same spot as usual. Unfortunately, there aren’t any pagan preachers around. That’s a pity. Who knows when I’ll be able to save someone’s life again.
I stand next to the platform first to the entrance. The crowds come and go. The moment a train leaves, new people show up for the next one. I get on a step near the track – it’s like a pedestal for me.
I find myself surrounded by people in suits, t-shirts, skirts, hijabs, and one person in a kippah. I feel sorry for them. If only they devoted their lives like they were supposed to… I feel particularly bad for the old ones. They say that with age comes wisdom. Well, if this was true then they wouldn’t be here. Instead, I have to take matters into my own hands. You’re welcome. The younger ones still have time to make the right choices; but they won’t.
Even though I cut my beard in the most precise way possible (despite me being the youngest of my brothers, mine is the longest in my family!), other people never appreciate the work I put in making myself look more like them. Up to now, it bothered me. Now it makes me feel more confident in my decisions. Soon, everyone will care about my appearance. Or no one will. Well, it depends on the media coverage, doesn’t it? It shouldn’t matter to me anyway. It’s not the colourful newspapers they ought to be reading after all.
Now, let them listen.
Arise, O LORD, in Your anger; lift up Yourself against the rage of my enemies; Rise up for me; You have commanded judgment and vindication. Let the assembly of the nations be gathered around You, and return on high over them.
Let them hear You!
The LORD judges the peoples; Judge me, O LORD, and grant me justice according to my righteousness and according to the integrity within me. Oh, let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end, but establish the righteous as those in right standing with You; For the righteous God judges the hearts and minds.
Not even a single glance at me. No one seems to care.
My shield and my defence depend on God, who saves the upright in heart. God is a righteous judge, and a God who is indignant every day.
Listen!
If a man does not repent, God will sharpen His sword; He has strung and bent His mighty bow and made it ready. He has also prepared other deadly weapons for Himself; He makes His arrows fiery shafts aimed at the unrepentant.
The train is about to reach the station. Pray with me, you fools.
Behold, the wicked and irreverent man is pregnant with sin, and he conceives mischief and gives birth to lies. He has dug a pit and hollowed it out, and has fallen into the very pit which he made as a trap. His mischief will return on his own head, and his violence will come down on the top of his head like loose dirt.
For the last time I check the belt under my robe. The load is ready. It’s now or never.
I will give thanks to the LORD according to His righteousness and justice, And I will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.
God will absolve me.
June 2021
Source: The Book of Jeremiah, Psalm 7:1-17. Amplified Bible.